“You’re Not Invited To Our Wedding” - Protect Your Peace, Not Their Feelings
Let’s rip the Band-Aid off, shall we?
When it comes to planning your wedding, choosing florals, table layouts and playlists is fun. But that guest list? It’s where things can get sticky – especially when someone’s name makes your stomach sink instead of your heart swell.
Here’s the truth most wedding planners won’t say out loud:
You are allowed to protect your peace.
You don’t have to invite them.
And no, you’re not a bad person for it.
This blog is your permission slip, your pep talk, and your practical guide to navigating tricky guest decisions with clarity and confidence.
Let’s Be Clear: You’re Not “Mean” for Not Inviting Someone
Weddings are about intimacy. Joy. Safety. Energy. You’re curating an experience – not offering free tickets to anyone with a family tree connection or a vague history with your partner.
Let’s say that again - your wedding is not a family reunion.
If someone has hurt you, drains you, doesn’t respect you, doesn’t agree with your upcoming marriage or creates tension just by walking into a room? They 100% shouldn’t be invited to your wedding.
This day is about presence – not proving anything to people who don’t respect your boundaries.
Who Doesn’t Deserve a Seat at Your Celebration?
You don’t need a dramatic backstory to opt out. But just in case it helps, here’s your no-nonsense checklist of guests you’re totally allowed to say “no” to:
The relative who always criticises you (yes, even if they’re blood)
The ex-friend who ghosted when life got hard
The cousin who turns every event into a spectacle (or about themselves)
The parent who’s toxic, controlling, or estranged
Anyone who’s emotionally unsafe, gossipy, or shows up just for the photos
That person who has made it clear they don’t approve of your relationship
Your wedding is not a PR event. It’s a celebration of who you are – not a reunion of everyone who’s ever known you.
Yes, You Will Get Pushback. Let’s Talk About It.
We’re not here to sugar-coat. People might have Opinions (capital O). But that doesn’t mean you’re wrong – this is about them not you. We’ve seen it all - a parent getting frustrated that their child hasn’t invited another relative (happens often). This is often about the parent feeling put out and embarrassed than anything about you. So let’s say that again - they’re concerned about their feelings (or the feelings of the non-invited guest), over how that person has ever made you feel. That isn’t OK either - and I would shut that down as quickly as possible aswell.
You’re allowed to make boundaries, and people make their own choice as to whether they respect them - or not. You can’t control that, only they can and they’re adults so let them choose.
Here’s what pushback might look like:
Parents Saying “But They’re Family!”
You might hear:
“It’s going to cause drama if they’re not invited”
“They’ll be so hurt”
“This is your chance to make peace”
“You can’t not invite them, what will XYZ say?”
“You’re being silly”
Here’s your reminder: you are not responsible for other people’s discomfort. Family should feel like safety, not obligation.
Disgruntled Uninvited Guests Gossiping
It happens. Maybe they find out through a cousin. Maybe they text to ask, “So when’s the big day?” Stay cool. It says more about them than you.
I would opt to let them know they’re not invited if you feel this will squash this, or if they’re fairly close family or friends (more on this below).
Friends or Extended Family Pressuring You to Reconsider
“Well if they’re not invited, I’m not coming.”
Now this can sting, and it happens all the time. I can’t tell you a year that has gone by in the last 15 years I’ve been in the wedding industry that I haven’t heard this from a couple.
This is toxic behaviour, using a threat to try and sway your decision because they don’t value or care how you actually feel. Instead, they are thinking about the other person, and themselves. Never give in to this - this manipulation is truly toxic, and if this is their reaction, there are clearly bigger issues than an invitation that need addressed (or don’t - that’s up to you).
I’ve seen a parent not attend because another sibling wasn’t invited.
I’ve seen a sibling not attend because a parent wasn’t invited.
I’ve seen a parent not attend because the other parent was coming
I’ve seen a sibling not attend because a parent was coming.
One of these happened at my own wedding. And it’s important to also mention that it’s not always about manipulation, but that person having their own boundaries and estrangement from another guest. Having the right mindset, and understanding that this isn’t a you problem is essential.
What to Say (If You Even Want to Say Anything)
You don’t have to explain your guest list decisions, but it does help. But if you’d like a script to keep things gracious and grounded, try one of these:
If They Ask Directly If They’re Invited (or why they’re not)
“We’ve chosen to keep our wedding really intimate, and we’re only inviting those we’re closest to.”
“We’ve made some really tough guest list decisions and are keeping it small for our own wellbeing.”
“Our focus is on creating a stress-free and positive day, and we’ve set boundaries to protect that.”
If They Try to Guilt-Trip You
“We understand it might be disappointing, but we’re not changing our decision.”
“This choice wasn’t made lightly, and it won’t change.”
When this keeps being bought up, and it makes you uncomfortable
“We’ve talked about this before - we’re happy with our decision and it won’t change. Please don’t bring this up again/I’m not talking about this again”
“I’m not talking about this - I’ve said we’ve made our decision. You’re making me uncomfortable.”
You don’t owe a detailed PowerPoint or a therapy session. Keep it kind, clear, and short. Then walk away and pour yourself a prosecco.
Their Reaction Is Exactly Why They Weren’t Invited
If someone responds to your boundary with manipulation, pressure, or drama... congratulations. You just proved your point.
Kind people respect boundaries. They don’t make your wedding about them.
If their reaction feels loud, invasive, or entitled – that’s the red flag waving itself. This is why you’ve made this decision.
Your Wedding Isn’t a Family Reunion (Or a Forgiveness Ceremony)
Repeat after us:
Your wedding is not the time to test whether people have changed.
It’s not the place to maybe try healing a rift.
And it’s definitely not a family therapy session in formal wear.
You get to celebrate your love, your way – surrounded by people who make you feel grounded, supported, and celebrated.
Let’s Recap: You’re Allowed to Be Intentional
This isn’t about being petty or spiteful. It’s about:
Emotional safety
Protecting your energy
Being fully present with the people who love you well
So if someone’s on your list and just reading their name gives you anxiety?
Take them off the list.
Your peace matters more than anyone’s opinion of you. And let’s be real, it didn’t start with your wedding, and it won’t end with it either.
Need Support to Curate Your Day with Confidence?
You don’t have to navigate sticky guest situations, styling, or logistics alone. Our team creates experiences that are true to you – and help you feel proud of the space and energy you’re creating.
📅 Let’s chat coordination – we’ll help you stay present and protect your peace
🪑 Book a styling consult – and let’s design a day that reflects you, not your family drama
🎯 Need someone to be your boundary buffer? Our Coordination Packages are built for exactly this.
Your vibe is sacred. Let’s keep it that way.